Congratulations it’s a beautiful Rolex…..and your baby is over there with the nurse.
Fourth time’s a charm……bracelet
It was only two months ago when my cousin informed me of a trend I didn’t know existed: the Push Present where a father gives a lavish gift to mommy to show his gratitude that she carried his child and gave birth. I can’t believe I actually thought that the baby was the gift and a woman would feel loved and appreciated by having Dad help around the house, get anything she needed, be a positive role model and help raise baby to be a great man. Totally wrong. Apparently women want more. They want cars. They want diamonds, not just a 6lb 3oz lump of fleshly DNA. Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari recently gave birth to her spawn Camden Jack, whom I like to call Popeye and received a grey Hermes bag worth over $23,000. Kristin is reported to have said that she cannot wait to expand her family within the next year, right in time for Gucci’s new line of shoes.
This makes me think of motherhood a little differently. I know now I should be expecting more than just a child. But why have just one gift? This gives me an idea. You know I always wanted to have my own business. I could gather a few friends and open an agency tailored to high society. I’ll call it “7 UPS” (Uteruses, Presents, and Sons). Since my uterus is shot I wouldn’t be able to participate but this could totally work. I’d have 7 professional surrogates who are paid for the use of their um….nursery wombs. And I’d have a wish list of items I’d like to receive as an agency fee. You can count on me to provide you with nothing but the best authentic pushes. And to prove it, I’m willing to waive my fee if there are any c-sections involved. If a doctor has to slice, so will my price. Scout’s honor.
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down
Last week was a roller-coaster of emotions not only for me, but for many on Facebook. While I’m not a fan of people updating their status with their personal issues, I can’t deny the fact that it does make one feel a little better when you see others agreeing with you and giving a thumbs up. Anyhoo, I was checking my mail and challenging a friend to a round of Family Feud when a slew of pissed off statuses start rolling in. It was so bad that I got depressed, and I had a GREAT day at work. Women were fed up with their men. Workers were upset at their boss. Many were feeling hopeless about their lives. And Romeo fans were upset that Ralph Macchio was safe on Dancing with the Stars. At that moment, I was reminded of the secret weapon. It was time to put out The Song. My morning anthem that turns my frown upside down and gets me through the day…”You’re the Best Around” by Joe Esposito. If you’re a real Karate Kid fan like me, you definitely know the song. It’s such a powerful and underrated tune that teaches us that we can rise above any obstacle if we just believe in ourselves. It’s also best if it’s sung in spandex with a bandana around your head.
The next day on my way to work, I was riding in the cab and pondering over some decisions I had to make. I know what I should do but nervous if I could be brave enough to do it. All of a sudden the radio station plays a blast from the past. What was it? My song! It was a sign! Not only is everything going to be alright, but I decided that I was going to bring this song back. If you don’t know “You’re the Best Around” now, you will when I’m finished.
So this is what Shannon and I have planned. We’ve created a community on Facebook called “You’re the Best Around”. We will pass the link around to all our family and friends and hope you will keep it going. My goal is to get ONE MILLION people to “like” it. Not only does it spread Mr. Esposito’s sweet melody, but will possibly give Ralph the extra encouragement and motivation to win Dancing With the Stars. We can DO this. Who’s with me?
Join the movement, like “You’re the Best Around” on Facebook.