Peter, Paul or Mary: Who Has the Most Rights When Naming a Baby?

So today I wanted to rant about something that really gets under my skin. I overheard a conversation about a woman who just gave birth to her daughter and bestowed upon her spawn, a very lame name. I don’t remember what the name is so I’m gonna refer to her by one of the most played out boring names ever… Sarah! Awww, don’t give me that look. It IS boring, to me at least. And apparently to the mother ’cause get this, she didn’t want to name her that either! The father wanted to name her after his mother or sister who passed away. I am sorry for his loss and they must have been great women for him to want to name his daughter after them. But I was still in a state of bewilderment. Why was she not satisfied with the name? And then we got into a debate, which leads me to ask you: which parent has the right to name the baby?

I know what you’re gonna say. It takes two to tango, Amanda. Very true. But when it comes to naming MY child, I dance alone. Hear me out. Of course, two people are needed to procreate. But only one parent brings the child into the world. A man becomes a father when baby is born. But the woman becomes a mother at the moment of conception. She nourishes, protects, and endures the pain, discomfort, and sometimes even danger of carrying the child. A man will never know the agony of childbirth. Neither will I, because for my 30th birthday, I will be setting fire to my entire uterus. Anyway, any man who truly loves his child, to the woman he…(in my R. Kelly voice)… is forever indebted, is forever indebted, is forever inDEBTED to her cuz... she makes the decision if the child is going to be born or not, whether you agree or disagree with abortion. She ultimately has that power. The LEAST a man can do is allow the woman to name the baby whatever she wants to call it, without any persuasion. The only time he should interject is if the name will cause the child to have great difficulty in finding a job, or may be deemed highly offensive such as Aryan, Ronaldisha, or worse… Mary. Yeah I said it. Jesus didn’t even speak English so her name was probably Manusha, which in my opinion is FLY!… ‘K, Back to the subject.

My 30th birthday - no candles, just the lighting of my uterus.

Keep in mind ladies, I am not telling you that you do not have to consult with your partner on such decisions. Remember, I am a single woman with no kids. Listening to my advice, no matter how intelligent, may just get you kicked out of the house. These are just my feelings and crazy ways. And who knows? Maybe there will come a time where I will love a man so much that I’d actually respect and consider his feelings. The point is, we of all people should never be unhappy with our children’s name. We’ve won our rights, we’ve burned our bras, and we can burn our uteruses. Let’s burn whack names.

Put your lighters up. – Lil’ Kim



Filed under Amanda

4 responses to “Peter, Paul or Mary: Who Has the Most Rights When Naming a Baby?

  1. KJayDub

    Love it! This still has me laughing 20 minutes later. It took months of negotiating to come up with my son’s name. I hated the name his dad suggested. BTW, as much as I would take Manusha over Mary, I doubt the the kids in lil Manusha’s 1st – 8th grade class would cut her any slack on that name…lol

  2. Phat Ninja

    I hope your joking, telling folks to be selfish with anything regarding a RELATIONSHIP always comes back to hurt the relationship. bad mandy bad bad mandy!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Why would I joke Phat Ninja? I’m serious. It kills me how quick men are to want to name the baby when they’re not much help during the pregnancy and then do even less or split after the baby comes. And what I really hate is when a guy wants to name the baby after himself. How narcissistic! Who are you to think you’re so great that someone should have your name? That’s for another person to decide, not you.

  3. Roxy

    I remember when I was pregnant with my oldest son continually saying, “We” all the time. A very wise older man asked “Why do you keep saying WE. It’s you ALONE that carries that child. It’s you alone that has to raise that child” I kept thinking, no WE made this child, he HAS to be responsible too. LOL What a naive lil booger I was back then. I realized that when a woman plans to concieve all she needs to consider is, how she feels, what she has and what she can do. I get it now. Although a man or a woman can walk away from being a parent a woman is always the ultimate caregiver and YES that starts at conception. Of course, it should be her decision what to name HER child. I was kind and allowed my child’s grandmother to name him.He is the first born son and his name is from a Nigerian meaning heir to the thrown, good choice Nana. But if she said Shaq or Shabaz, I wouldve just vetoed it. I’m like the President, Dad was Vice and the rest of the fam is like congress. Thats how it should go.

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