So today I wanted to rant about something that really gets under my skin. I overheard a conversation about a woman who just gave birth to her daughter and bestowed upon her spawn, a very lame name. I don’t remember what the name is so I’m gonna refer to her by one of the most played out boring names ever… Sarah! Awww, don’t give me that look. It IS boring, to me at least. And apparently to the mother ’cause get this, she didn’t want to name her that either! The father wanted to name her after his mother or sister who passed away. I am sorry for his loss and they must have been great women for him to want to name his daughter after them. But I was still in a state of bewilderment. Why was she not satisfied with the name? And then we got into a debate, which leads me to ask you: which parent has the right to name the baby?
I know what you’re gonna say. It takes two to tango, Amanda. Very true. But when it comes to naming MY child, I dance alone. Hear me out. Of course, two people are needed to procreate. But only one parent brings the child into the world. A man becomes a father when baby is born. But the woman becomes a mother at the moment of conception. She nourishes, protects, and endures the pain, discomfort, and sometimes even danger of carrying the child. A man will never know the agony of childbirth. Neither will I, because for my 30th birthday, I will be setting fire to my entire uterus. Anyway, any man who truly loves his child, to the woman he…(in my R. Kelly voice)… is forever indebted, is forever indebted, is forever inDEBTED to her cuz... she makes the decision if the child is going to be born or not, whether you agree or disagree with abortion. She ultimately has that power. The LEAST a man can do is allow the woman to name the baby whatever she wants to call it, without any persuasion. The only time he should interject is if the name will cause the child to have great difficulty in finding a job, or may be deemed highly offensive such as Aryan, Ronaldisha, or worse… Mary. Yeah I said it. Jesus didn’t even speak English so her name was probably Manusha, which in my opinion is FLY!… ‘K, Back to the subject.
Keep in mind ladies, I am not telling you that you do not have to consult with your partner on such decisions. Remember, I am a single woman with no kids. Listening to my advice, no matter how intelligent, may just get you kicked out of the house. These are just my feelings and crazy ways. And who knows? Maybe there will come a time where I will love a man so much that I’d actually respect and consider his feelings. The point is, we of all people should never be unhappy with our children’s name. We’ve won our rights, we’ve burned our bras, and we can burn our uteruses. Let’s burn whack names.
Put your lighters up. – Lil’ Kim