Whorrible (hȯr-ə-bə) adj.
- The misconception that one’s appearance and behavior is considered “cute” or “hot” when really it is slutty. Also known as “whorrific“.
It’s the latest epidemic that is sweeping the nation faster than bedbugs, obesity, Facebook, and Beiber Fever. You see them in the clubs, at work, and even in study hall. What am I talking about? WHORRIBLE PEOPLE!!! Now when you hear the term “whorrible”, you may think I’m speaking of female prostitutes. Not only would you be wrong but you’d be offending me, as I am a firm believer of equal rights and equal treatment. The term applies to ALL individuals who’s clothing, appearance, and conduct would perfectly suit a Las Vegas brothel. This would include men, women, high school sophomores, pathetic affluent housewives, child beauty queens (although 100% of this fault will be direct toward parents) etc…
Maybe you readers can help me understand because I’m still just not getting it. What is this fascination of wanting to look like a skank? When I was in school, it was shocking if a boy saw a girl’s Monday underpants sticking out of her jeans. Nowadays, girls start the week by skipping underwear and wearing skirts so short, they’re guaranteed to NOT be sitting on it when they take a seat. And since they’ve decided to go commando, they’ll be needing the earliest appointment with Dr. Huxtable to cure the STD that was contracted from the bench. You’d be surprised at how many walk into my job looking for an interview dressed in this manner. Mmm mmm mmm… so sad.
And the makeup? Ugh! The most hideous look I see are orange girls with long platinum blonde hair, heavy black eyeliner, overplucked brows, and pearly pink lip gloss. Now I have in the past made tons of makeup mistakes. There were times I looked like I was auditioning for Ringling Bros. or a 42nd St. corner. However, in my defense I was experimenting because I was looking to become a makeup artist. If you told me my look was wrong, I made it right. But girls swear guys want them to look that way. Maybe that’s the answer. Girls overdo it because they want to be the center of attention. But the truth is that guys only love it when you look like that because they feel they have a better chance of scoring with you. Therefore, quit seeking the attention from some loser Jersey Shore man whore who doesn’t respect you. Shannon signed my senior yearbook saying, “No matter how hot you are, your man can always sleep with a hooker.” Ladies, don’t be the hooker.
I also have something to say to all you cougars (God I can’t believe I said that)…BE 48! Stop trying to look like the 25 year olds mentioned above. Just because you have it doesn’t mean you should flaunt it. Take off the pink velour suits with “Juicy” across your behind. Cancel your appointment with the plastic surgeon and let Ronaldo finish his semester at sea before inviting him over for brunch Mary Kay. Despite what you may think, no one thinks your daughter is your sister and no one is hatin’ on you.
Now my last rant is toward the parents of whorrible hopefuls. I have a real problem when you encourage this kind of conduct. We see many teens who are worldwide entertainers and bringing in millions of dollars into the household. But a child is still a child. Allowing your kid to parade around half naked because they’re the bread winner is inexcusable. Yes they may do it behind your back or when they get older doesn’t , but you don’t have to introduce it to them. Whether you realize it or not, you are saying it is ok. And I am SO disgusted with pre-schoolers who can perform a pageant strip tease for closeted pedophiles to win cash prizes but can’t spell their name. Extensions, lipstick, false eyelashes, and bikinis with swaying… I can’t even say “hips” because they haven’t developed yet… swaying bottom parts are teaching them that flirty behavior is harmless and necessary for people to like you. You should be ashamed of yourself Ma Ma Madam. See, now I’m all mad. I need to stop because I can keep going. What do you guys think?