Train Yourselves

I’m on the B train heading to work in rainy weather.  The train was so packed that I was barely able to hold unto the pole as it sped through Manhattan.  As we were approaching my stop, a man stands up and is trying to make his way to the door so he can rush out. You may be asking yourself “what’s wrong with that Amanda?”.  Nothing. I do it myself.  However, when the train is crowded, speeding, and slippery from all the water on the floor, why would you push your way through someone who is trying to hold on for dear life just so you can be the first one off? I tried to ignore his impolite behavior until he said to me, “Lady do you think you can move?” to which I replied “Do you THINK you can allow the train to stop so I can get off as well?”

It amazes me how people can be so inconsiderate and not have any common sense on the train.  Earlier in our blog, Shannon gave you a lesson on how to ride an elevator. Well get ready, because now I’m going to teach you how to ride a train.  Here are my top ten pet peeves that I witness on the train daily. Feel free to let me know if I missed anything. Here we go…

10. Be Prepared to Buy MTA Card: If you’ve been waiting in line to buy a metro card, please have your money or ATM card out and ready for your purchase. Nothing pisses me off more than to watch my train pass and wait longer while you rummage through your “Coach” bag to look for a quarter.

9. No Instruments: I love to see people performing in the subway. You’ll find some great talent below the streets for only a small donation. However, keep your drums, accordions, and guitars on the platform. Do not bring them on the train. I was relaxing very well before you started singing “Pajarillo Barranqueno” or banging on your bucket.

8. Hold Pole With Your Hand: Nothing pisses me off more than not being able to secure myself when standing because you want to wrap your entire body around it just so that you can read the NY Post.

7. No Arguing: It’s very obnoxious to hear nonsense and ignorance on a train. Plus, people don’t reason with each other nowadays. They just pull out a gun or knife and kill you and whoever else is around. Since this is something that generally happens a lot on the 2 train, I just take the Q whenever possible.

6. Don’t Scare the White People: This is actually for your benefit. Cops will be waiting for you.

5. No Speeches:  The following is in two parts.

  • To all beggars- Just hand out your cup and simply say “change please”. Do not start off saying “Excuse me ladies and gentlemen. I’m sorry to interrupt your ride…” Who do these guys work for anyway? Do you not think I’m going to suspect something after hearing the same speech verbatim from every “homeless” person? I know I sound harsh but trust me. These people have grand lofts in DUMBO. I’m thinking of quitting MY job just to panhandle.
  • To all teens – I never thought buying a pack of Skittles would keep you off the streets, pay your college education, or send you and your baby brother to basketball camp. I was simply in the mood for something sweet and you had candy for only $1. So why the speech? Now I do suspect your profits are going toward something illegal.

4. Move In: When the train begins to fill up, it is common sense for you to make the process quick and easy by moving in to let others on.

3. Stand Up IMMEDIATELY: I don’t know how much more emphasis I can put on the word “immediately” when you see a child, a disabled person, an elderly person, or a pregnant woman. Do not look around to see who is going to get up first.  You must always make the person feel at ease and that it is no burden to you to offer your seat. And to all you “men”, I understand that you have strenuous jobs as well. But if a woman can do it, you can to. Actually, you should be the first ones to stand. No matter what anyone says, being a gentleman is not old-fashioned.

2. Don’t Be a Seat Hog: Nothing pisses me off more than to see someone keep their book bags , a 2 year-old, or their feet in a seat when they see the train filling up with passengers. Hold your child or bag in your lap. You may even have to hold your bag on your feet like a penguin holds an egg.  And guys:  CLOSE YOUR LEGS. There’s no reason for you to be spread eagle in public. You do whatever is necessary to allow a person to rest after a hard day of work, rest before a hard day of work, or just plain sit down because they want to.

1. WAIT FOR THE NEXT TRAIN: I know you’re in a rush to catch the only sale that Macy’s is having, and waiting 5 minutes for the next train is just an inconvenience. However, if there is no more room, THERE’S NO MORE ROOM!!. Not only do those who are on the train deserve to leave quickly, but we also have the right to not be molested because you’re just too friggin’ close.

I ask you all to please study this guide and memorize it throughly. If you’re one who habitually violate these rules, you need to stop. Bobby Brown said it best when he sang “Don’t be rude. ‘Cuz I would never be that rude to you. Oh no oh no, oh don’t be rude! ”  Okay, he actually said cruel but you get my drift… KNOCK IT OFF!



Filed under Amanda

3 responses to “Train Yourselves

  1. Phat Ninja

    you forgot one, sick people that cough or sneeze all over the place. that drives me nuts. i have cursed folks out or have done something to make them uncomfortable countless times.

  2. @Phat Ninja…You are completely right. Most of the time I see this done by snot nosed children and their parents say nothing.

  3. Thanks for reminding of one of the many reasons I left NY. LOL!

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