A little over a week ago the 54th Annual Grammy Awards aired on CBS. I don’t usually watch the program but tuned in to see any tributes to Whitney who tragically died the night before. Surprisingly, I enjoyed the show. My favorite performances were Adele and Chris Brown, both of whom walked away with the gold-plated gramophone. As I watched, the internet was flooded with tweets from celebrities outraged that Brown was allowed to perform. That night it was reported that the two had reconciled, though we don’t know to what extent. While I have my thoughts regarding the two from that horrific night three years ago, I’ve never taken any sides regarding the situation, and I still won’t. But just like any court case one may follow, you have thoughts based upon what you’ve heard and seen. A few stories ago, I wrote about my disappointment in Chris Brown. Today, I write about my disappointment in Rihanna.
Many viewers were pleased with Brown’s attendance at the Grammy’s even feeling that he “redeemed” himself after his performance and winning his award. But a high energy Q-Bert inspired routine and receiving high accolades isn’t the way to prove you are sorry for your errors, especially when they are made against someone else. I do feel, though, that it was ok for him to perform that night. What he did was a disgrace, but no different from mistakes that others have done in the past. Jack Osbourne was one of the stars in protest of Chris at the Grammy’s. But remember, Ozzy knocked out two of Sharon’s front teeth and almost choked her to death. Yes, Oz did go to rehab and changed his life around. But how long was he on that road to destruction before seeking guidance? The two had a successful reality show on MTV and are one of rock and roll’s favorite marriages. What about the drug crazed tiger blood Charlie Sheen who broke a twitter record in one day? A man who is infamous for battering women, even “accidentally” shooting his then fiancée Kelly Preston, now had one million followers. Let’s look at Hollywood director Roman Polanski who in 1977 drugged and raped a 13-year-old girl and fled the country to avoid prison time. In 2002, his film The Pianist, was nominated for numerous awards and he walked away with an Oscar for Best Director. How is it fair for Chris to be crucified for actions that he made at 19 when these men also committed major crimes in their 30s and 40s? I’m sorry but I refuse to put him on a list next to Ike and OJ and refer to every domestic case as “Browning”.
Now I want to turn my attention to Rihanna and comment on her perplexing conduct. This thuggish, gun loving, nympho-like behavior and desire to be Hollywood’s top bad girl leads me to believe that she has some serious underlying issues as well. Someone who was a victim of brutality should be more apt to shun images of violence or abuse. Instead, she seems to romanticize it. Music is used to express your feelings and tell your story. But it’s one that seems to be told in every new release, like she’s obsessed with it. The remix to “Birthday Cake” featuring Chris Brown is DISGUSTING and very degrading. I’m all for reconciliation but this is not what I had in mind. It’s sick. In her interview with Diane Sawyer, she said she was happy that it happened to her because now she could help girls in that situation. And then in another breath when she was criticized for her “Man Down” video, said she didn’t want to be a role model. Well which is it? If you want to go about doing things your way not caring what people think, then go ahead. It’s actually a sad thing when people don’t care about how they are perceived. But if she does in fact want to help girls, she has to learn to set a better example. Regarding their relationship, Roseanne Barr said “…..Rihanna is violent too and that is one of the reasons why she is back with Chris Brown. She thinks she has him right where she wants him now. His career is over, and he is working her to help him get it back. She thinks that since he needs her and has shown some contrition that she can call the shots now. Violent people are control freaks, and she thinks she is in control right now. Violent couples also have passionate make up sex, and that keeps a lot of battered and beaten women hooked. Once she realizes that her fans and their parents are going to write her off completely and end her career as well as his if she stays with him that might convince her not to do that.”
That makes a lot of sense to me. I am in no way saying that she deserved what happened to her, but is it possible she had some responsibility that caused it? In his statement to the police, Chris said he retaliated after she flew into a physical frenzy while he was driving. There are people, reliable sources who I know, who’ve witnessed Rihanna slapping him and mushing his head, saying that they were both guilty of abusing each other. It’s not a thought I’ve dismissed since I’ve worked with celebrities and others in the industry. I can tell you that there is a method of deception to maintaining their stardom. Did she use this incident to sabotage his career? Yes he ruined it himself when he violated her. But to have him featured on her album and inviting him to her party after people stood behind her and boycotted him is sort of a slap in the face.
While violence against women is prevalent in this world, a man is not guilty in every case. Sadly, there are women who will manipulate or even lie in order to get revenge on a man knowing it can destroy his life. Women have to realize that abuse goes both ways. It’s not right to demand equality when you aren’t giving it yourself. Just because you may not be as strong as your mate, it doesn’t give you the right to antagonize or lay a finger on him. You don’t know what button you could push to set someone off. And if you’re going to act like a man against another, be prepared for the repercussions. But men, don’t think I’m giving you a free pass either. You still need to walk away. All I’m saying is, sometimes both sides have to take responsibility. Who is to say that Chris is a liar when he said she was beating him first? I’ve come to the conclusion that both of them are crazy.
You can’t help someone who doesn’t want it. If they date again, she’ll have to deal with the consequences if there are any. They don’t need to get close to each other as they are doing now, but it is healthy for them to make peace. She has forgiven him and kudos to her. We all talk about wanting Chris to get help for his issues. This is a start. Forgiveness from the person he hurt the most is a tremendous step. Just because it’s not something we’d do, it doesn’t make her a stupid girl. In fact it makes her the bigger person. He still needs to take time out of the spotlight for rehabilitation. Do I think he has a temper? Yes. Do I think he’s an ignorant young man who has a lot of growing up to do? YES! Do I think he is a violent guy? I don’t know. I think Brown is a confused boy caught up in the cycle of abuse who can avoid becoming a dangerous person with some severe counseling. I just hope he doesn’t do anything to make me have to write another story changing my words again.